N.P.M.

In honor of "National Poetry Month"

According to the Academy of American Poets (now there's a group that probably has some rip-roaring parties), back in 1996, the Academy of American Poets decided to create a National Poetry Month which is now held every April and is a time when "publishers, booksellers, literary organizations, libraries, schools and poets around the country band together to celebrate poetry and its vital place in American culture. Thousands of businesses and non-profit organizations participate through readings, festivals, book displays, workshops, and other events." Hmm. Isn't the whole idea of a group of dedicated poets creating a month that's dedicated to the thing they're dedicated to kind of suspicious? Kind of like if the Academy of American Novelists (is there such a thing?) were to declare a "National Novel Month". Or if the Academy of American Essayists (again, is there such a creature?) declared a "National Essay Month" (now that's just silly). Or if the Academy of American Memoirists decided that memoirs actually had to be true (yikes). Or how about if the American Dairy Farmers conducting a study that concludes that drinking chocolate milk after vigorous exercise is just as effective for recovery as sports drinks (oops, I guess they actually did that). Anyway, the point, if you missed it is this: isn't this a blatant example of self-promotion. And I actually like poetry, so imagine the uproar from people who have a negative attitudes towards iambic pentameter, rhymed couplets, metaphorical imagery, etc. Well, in the interest of maintaining some semblance of forward momentum, I imagine that you're probably wondering exactly what's involved in celebrating a "National Poetry Month" which we're currently in the middle of celebrating. Here are just a few ideas you can try on for size (all of these, and more, can be found at http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/41):
-You can sign up to receive a poem-a-day
-You can enter a "Free Verse Photo Competition" (not sure what that would be)
-You can purchase a copy of the official "National Poetry Month" poster (from this year or years past)
-You can go to a "National Poetry Map" to find out what's happening in your neck o' the woods
-You can read a book of poetry
-You can memorize a poem
-You can bring a poem to your place of worship (okay, this one seems like a stretch)
-You can play "Exquisite Corpse" (I've played it, and I have to say the name is better than the actual game)
-You can hear a poem (not sure if this is only for those who hear voices, or if it's open to all)
-You can take a poem out to lunch (now that just sounds pitiful and desperate - "Table for two"?)
-You can celebrate "Poem in Your Pocket Day" April 30 (I could make a snide comment here, but I won't because this is a family-friendly site)
Okay, that's enough for the here and now, but there are other suggestions and more if you are interested in perusing the above-mentioned website and getting into the spirit of things.

Let's celebrate "National Poetry Month" with some poems
Nothing says, "I love poetry" like writing/reading some really, really bad poems, so I always hold a "bad poetry" contest to encourage my students to write bad poems. Why? you ask. Well, I answer, because the ability to write a truly bad poem is a skill that comes in handy many times in the "real world." Just think of all the times you've been in a job interview and the interviewer has asked you to make up and recite, on the spot, a really bad poem, and when you were able to do so, he/she was so impressed that he/she offered you the job at a substantially higher salary than what they were planning on offering. I'll bet that has happened to each and every one of you more times than you can remember. Or how about those times when you've been lost in the wilderness with nothing but of those really big survival knives - how did you pass the time (after you got sick of whittling)? That's right, you composed really bad poems which made the time will fly by - plus you were then able to devise an amazingly intricate plan for getting rescued when you released your subconscious. Or what about the times when you were driving down the interstate and had a blowout and spun out of control, and at the moment when you began to panic, you calmed yourself by composing a bad poem that was so amusing that your heartrate slowed, your adrenaline spike leveled off, and rather than jerking the wheel in an overcorrecting manner, instead you were able to gradually regain control and decelerate safely. This is a life skill, people, and that's what I'm all about. So without further ado, here are a few of the better, and shorter, bad poems from this year.

The Best (by Garrett B.)

When you think you are the best,
you are wrong.

When you think you are not,
you are right.

Unless you are me,
which you're not.

Be Prepared (by Tara B.)

There was a guy in space
He was having a race
Then his mask broke
He began to choke
And gravity sucked out his face

Poems (by Galen V.)

Poems are like
flowers.

I don't know why.

People just say stuff like
that.

Windy Day (by Chloe M.)

I love the wind!
It's a great thing!
I love the sun!
And also the - -



Excuse me.
I do believe
I had a bug
in my trachea.

Driving Haiku (by Alex C.)

Driving my car through
the town. Chasing the people
and running them down.

I could go on with more selections, but you get the idea, and I'm tired of copying and pasting, so until next time, may your rhymes be slanted, may your allusions be clear, and may your heartfelt expressions of heartfelt feelings be completely and utterly heartfelt.