Shoes, Schools, Chocolate Bars, and the Four Corners Controversy

Patent leather
Way back when Caitlyn was first born, I made one of those ridiculous proclamations which I am wont to do - something like, "No daughter of mine will ever wear a pair of those black patent leather shoes." I'm not exactly sure what prompted me to make this proclamation, other than thinking that those black patent leather shoes that little girls wear are kind of silly. Anyway, as is often the case when I make these types of proclamations, it had no effect on future events, and Caitlyn wore not just one, but several pairs of black patent leather shoes during the course of her growing up. My only comfort was that I was never the one who actually purchased these shoes (her grandmother was the purchaser). And I have to admit she did look pretty cute when she was wearing them. Why this trip down memory lane? you ask. Well, I reply, imagine my surprise/shock/dismay when my wife and son returned from a shoe-buying expedition with, you guessed it, a pair of black patent leather shoes. Granted, they are black patent leather Air Jordan basketball shoes, but still.

My lovely, but somewhat confused, wife
One evening last week, Katie informed me that she would be home late the following day because she was helping out at some event at Cross Middle School. I didn't say anything, but I did wonder why she was helping out at Cross, since none of our kids are there this year. So the next day, she got home from helping out and said, "I was just finishing up with the setting up when the principal came and asked me how Carrie was doing in high school, and I realized that I don't have a kid at Cross - so why did I volunteer to help out?" Apparently, the principal didn't know, either.

Parenting 101
Many readers will already know that my son, Connor, like his mother, has a wicked sweet tooth. Because of this, we often have to hide things like chocolate chips or girls scout cookies, or they disappear in approximately 2.3 seconds. So Katie went to Trader Joe's the other day and got her weekly supply of dark chocolate, which she stores in the freezer and eats a little bit at a time to soothe the savage beast of chocolate craving that lives within her, and when Connor asked who the chocolate was for, she lied and told him it was mine so he'd be too scared to steal it. I'm not sure whether I'm flattered or offended by this, but it did make me laugh.

Happy birthday to you, you work in a zoo
Apparently, the chorus director at my school has a birthday policy which involves bringing the chorus to a person's classroom on their birthday and singing them a birthday song. She told me about this on the morning of my birthday, and I told her I didn't have a class that period, so she asked if I could come to them so they didn't have to haul all their stuff, and I said sure. Later that morning, I went into the chorus room expecting a souped-up version of the happy birthday song - or maybe the Beatle's Birthday song, or something along those lines. But is that what I got? No, it was not. They did sing a Beatle's song, but it was "Yesterday." As in, "Yesterday, all your troubles were so faraway…" and "Now I need a place to hide away…" and "I'm not half the man I used to be…" O-kay. Quite the picker-upper.

Newsflash
Many years ago, on one of our expeditions, Katie and I drove through the Four Corners area and stopped so that we could say that we had experienced the amazing experience that is standing at the only point in the US where you can stand in four states at the same time (AZ, CO, UT, NM). It was, without a doubt, one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. I still remember the chills that ran down my spine as I realized that I was standing - in - four - states- at -the - same - time. Needless to say, tears flowed and goosebumps tingled. Well, imagine my shock and dismay when I opened up the paper the other day and discovered that the spot that marks the four corners isn't actually the four corners spot at all. The real four corners spot is about 1 1/2 miles away because the surveyors who completed the survey that located the four corners way back in the 1800's messed up (apparently pretty badly if they were 1 1/2 miles off). So for all these years, millions of four corners visitors have been duped and deluded and are basically living a lie when they claim that they've stood in four states at the same time. And I'm one of them. Oh, the shame.

That's all I've got for now, so until next time may your shoes fit snugly but comfortably, may your mind remain clear and lucid, and may your claims to fame never be invalidated.