Jack or me - you decide

I decided to deviate from the norm this week for no real reason other than that's what I decided to do, and as sole owner and proprietor of this space I figured I have the right to do whatever I please, so if you've got a problem with that, oh well. Anyway, for the past several years, I've been sort of fascinated by the TV show "24." The whole premise of cramming an entire season into a 24 hour day, then showing how things unfold in real-time intrigued me from the very beginning, and I love the twists and turns - even though it often stretches the bounds of credibility pretty incredibly. Anyway, it got me to thinking about my own life and what it would look like as an episode of 24, especially after seeing all that Jack Bauer has gone through this season. So here we go, with a comparison, hour by hour, of my life to Jack's (since Jack's in the Eastern time zone and I'm in the Pacific time zone, I've adjusted the times accordingly - so his day begins at 8 a.m., while mine begins at 5 a.m). And since I don't know what's going to happen in the future, I've decided to focus on my yesterday, and we'll only go through the point where the show currently is (again, because I don't know what's going to happen in the future). Whose life is more engaging and exciting? You be the judge…

Hour 1: (8-9 a.m. for Jack, 5-6 a.m. for me)
Jack is on trial in front of the Senate for human rights crimes and torturing people - he admits what he's done, but says it was necessary (which, of course, you agree with if you watch the show because Jack is awesome and always right, but there are always weak-willed, ignorant people who stand in his way that he has to either bulldoze through or somehow get around so that he can thwart whatever evil force he's opposing) - then some FBI agents whisk him away and tell him that a friend of his who he thought was dead is actually alive and working with terrorists. Meanwhile, I get up, drive to the Y, and start swimming laps.

Hour 2: (9-10 a.m. for Jack, 6-7 a.m. for me)
Jack tracks down Tony with the help of the cute FBI agent (there's obviously some weird kind of chemistry going on between them, but it's not totally clear where this is going - if anywhere - but her boss/boyfriend is pretty obviously jealous of Jack (as well as being disgusted by Jack's penchant for playing fast and loose with the rules), and figures out there's a leak in the FBI when their suspect is shot. Meanwhile, I finish up my swim, then drive to school (keeping an eye out for terrorists or cute FBI agents - though I didn't spot any of either of these), eat a bagel with peanut butter (which I sniff first to make sure it's not laced with some kind of truth-telling serum or nerve agent that will paralyze me, or anything like that), and write the day's agendas on the whiteboard (which, sadly, doesn't include the FBI, terrorists, the President of the United States, or government moles).

Hour 3: (10-11 a.m. for Jack, 7-8 a.m. for me)
Jack nabs Tony (the guy he thought was dead), but when he's interrogating him, Tony whispers a code word which lets Jack know that Tony's actually a good guy, so Jack breaks Tony out of the FBI building so Tony can rejoin the terrorist group - which is their only hope of foiling the plot to terrorize (Jack is now pretending to be a bad guy - so the cute FBI agent is incredulous because you can tell she was starting to kind of like Jack's whole bad-boy aura, but this is too much bad even for her and her boss/boyfriend is all smug and "I told you so" to her). Meanwhile, I read through the directions for the AIMS test, then teach my first class (which is only twenty minutes long because of AIMS testing and conferences).

Hour 4: (11 a.m-12 p.m. for Jack, 8-9 a.m. for me)
Jack takes Tony to the new, underground "CTU" headquarters and finds out Chloe and Bill (former colleagues) are working with Tony and know about some huge corruption within the government, so basically, they can't trust anyone, and Tony and Jack decide to both go rejoin the terrorists so they can find out what's going on from the inside. Meanwhile, I give the AIMS math field test, which is a bunch of math questions they're testing out for future AIMS test, so basically, it's a test of the questions, not the kids, which seems like a really good use of instructional time to me, and I would rather be teaching students important life-skills like how to infiltrate a terrorist group so you can uncover conspiracies, which would probably come in a lot more handy in the "real world."

Hour 5: (12-1 p.m. for Jack, 9-10 a.m. for me)
Jack pumps poison gas into a safe-room to get a guy to come out for the terrorists (which means he's acting like a really, really bad person in order to ultimately foil the bad guys, which is quite dramatic and angst-filled) and the cute FBI lady that seems to kind of have this thing for Jack tortures a suspect to get information, which shocks her boss/boyfriend and just shows how much Jack has influenced her (and, we have to assume, reinforces the message that the "real heroes" of the world are willing to do anything, no matter how distasteful, for the greater good - like pump poison gas into safe-rooms or torture bad guys to get them to spill their guts). Meanwhile, I finish up the AIMS field test and start teaching another class (at no point do I even entertain the possibility of pumping poison gas into the room or torturing anyone to get them to "give it up").

Hour 6: (1-2 p.m. for Jack, 10 -11 a.m. for me)
Jack and Tony convince the guy that they forced out of the safe-room with poison gas that they're actually good guys, and they wind up killing some bad guys in a fire-fight. but figure out a way to make it work for them and continue to work undercover by taking this guy to the other bad guys so they can use him as a hostage. Meanwhile, school dismisses for the day so we can have conferences, and I eat lunch and read the newspaper, then chat with a colleague about this, that, and the other thing (we do talk about plots at some point, but terrorists never enter into the conversation).

Hour 7: (2-3 p.m. for Jack, 11 a.m-12 p.m. for me)
Jack confronts the bad guys, who are attacking a chemical plant in the midwest, which threatens a fair-sized town nearby with catastrophe, but Jack stops them in the middle of their plan while others put a stop to their threat (the plant manager sacrifices himself to shut things down). Unfortunately the bad guy leader manages to escape in the confusion, which leads Jack to utter his trademark cuss-phrase several times (sounds kind of like, "Darn it!"). Meanwhile, I work on my career ladder plan that's due next week, which involves going back to the previous parts of the plans and reminding myself of what I was doing, then searching for data I need to fill out the forms and putting it all together (but does not involve deadly chemicals or gunfire in any way, shape, or form).

Hour 8: (3-4 p.m. for Jack, 12-1 p.m. for me)
Jack and Bill manage to get the guy they saved (the one they forced out of the safe-room with poison gas) to convince the President of the U.S. to grant them an audience so they can explain what's going on and what they've been up to, while the cute FBI agent threatens the wife of a bad guy (whose only "crime" was to be fooled by this bad guy) in the worst possible way in order to get her to cooperate, which again just goes to show how much of an influence Jack has had on her and how much she's changed since she met him (which, if you're keeping track, was about 9 hours ago). Meanwhile, I keep working on my career ladder plan, which I plan on sending to the President of the U.S. just as soon as it's done.

Hour 9: (4-5 p.m. for Jack, 1-2 p.m. for me)
Jack and the cute FBI agent go to rescue the President's husband from the bad guy leader (he was kidnapped at some point) and in the scuffle that follows, the President's husband is shot (darn it!) and the bad guy leader gets away (again, darn it!), but Jack and the cute FBI agent find the bad guy leader's girlfriend and convince her to lead them to the bad guy leader, even though the cute FBI agent has misgivings because it's so dangerous, but Jack sways her by reminding her that, "It's the only way, darn it!" and she goes along with the plan reluctantly. Meanwhile, I meet with a couple of parents and discuss some issues about placement and services, and though I was thinking that one of the meetings might have the potential to be stressful, it really isn't because everyone is quite civil and reasonable and listens to each other with respect, so I don't have to resort to torture or poison gas or electric shots or those really scary hypodermics they always show that seem like they must be just about the worst possible thing to ever be injected into a human being, because everyone always freaks out when they pull them out of the case (plus, they've always got a whole bunch of them in a case, which is pretty creep in and of itself).

Hour 10: (5-6 p.m. for Jack, 2-3 p.m. for me)
Jack and the cute FBI agent get arrested while trailing the girlfriend of the bad guy (because the mole in the FBI put a fake alert out for them) so while they're detained, they lose her, but then they eventually find her and there's a big crash and the cute FBI agent tries to get her out of the car before it explodes but she can't and there's a big dramatic moment between her and Jack which seems to sour her affection for him quite a bit. So they catch the bad guy, but he winds up dying so they lose their lead, although Jack does discover a chip under his skin which he digs out and sends in for analysis - which is a threat to a whole bunch of people who are in on the conspiracy because their names are included on the chip. Meanwhile, I finish up my conferences and go up to the track to run, where I put in four miles at a very easy pace while listening to "The Fray" on my Ipod.

Hour 11: (6-7 p.m. for Jack, 3-4 p.m. for me)
Jack convinces Chloe (his computer buddy) to take a name off the list he provided so he has time to interrogate the suspect in the White House which means that he's going against what he's been ordered to do, but, "It's the only way, darn it!" so he goes ahead and does it and is just about to get the guy to spill his guts when the President and her crew find out what Jack's doing and stop him, which means Jack's put in handcuffs once again and taken into custody, plus the plot is still in the works and nobody knows what's going on. Meanwhile, I wrap things up at school and head across the district for a meeting with the other gifted specialists where we'll discuss reasons why the sky is falling and what we wish we could do about it.

Hour 12: (7-8 p.m. for Jack, 4-5 p.m. for me)
While Jack is being taken into custody, the bad guys attack the White House(!) in an attempt to take the President hostage, but Jack manages to get her into a safe-room (safe-room #2 today) and the bad guys can't get her out until they find out from another bad guy that the President's daughter is in the White House, so they grab her and threaten to cut her eyeballs out, at which point, the President caves and makes Jack open the door. At the same time, the cute FBI agent and her boss/boyfriend are trying to convince the Vice President to let them storm the White House and save everyone inside, but he decides not to let them (for political reasons, naturally), which frustrates everyone involved and makes us all angry at these bureaucratic types who aren't willing to do what's necessary when it's so clear what's necessary is what's needed - darn it! Meanwhile I continue to jabber and moan in the meeting - wishing I was in charge of the world so I could wave my magic wand and make the bureaucrats who run things quit posturing and politicizing and start doing what's necessary and right - darn it!

Hour 13: (8-9 p.m. for Jack, 5-6 p.m. for me)
This is a big one, as the standoff in the White House comes to a conclusion with explosions and another fire-fight, and Jack tries to sacrifice himself, but Bill takes his place because Jack's the only one that can move forward with uncovering yet another layer to the plot that he discovered, so Bill gets blown up, Jack starts shooting, the President and her daughter get rescued, and Jack is redeemed. This is only temporary, though, because he convinces them to let him go back and finish the interrogation he started earlier, but winds up getting knocked out with nerve gas by an assassin who kills the guy Jack was interrogating and makes it look like Jack did it, which means Jack is once again seen as the bad guy and has to take off before he's taken into custody once again (how many times has he been taken into custody today?). Meanwhile, I drive home from the meeting and start making dinner.

Hour 14: (9-10 p.m. for Jack, 6-7 p.m. for me)
Jack goes to the Senator who was originally after him for human rights crimes and torturing people (in the first hour) and manages to convince him that there really is this conspiracy and Jack really is a good guy, and just when he has the Senator convinced, the same assassin from the last hour shows up and shoots the Senator, which, of course, makes everyone believe Jack did it ("He did what?" exclaims the President when she's told) and the cute FBI agent is taken into custody because she helped Jack with all of this and her boss/boyfriend found out. Meanwhile, I eat dinner with my family, make my breakfast/lunch for tomorrow, and do the crossword puzzle.

Hour 15: (10-11 p.m. for Jack, 7-8 p.m. for me)
Jack and Tony manage to track down the bio-weapon the bad guys have smuggled into the U.S. and there's another fire-fight, during which Jack decides to save a security guard rather than let him get killed (which would have been the more prudent course of action, but it shows that even Jack doesn't always do what's necessary, darn it!) but because of this, Tony winds up being captured by the bad guys. Still, Jack manages to highjack the truck carrying the bio-weapon and take off, only one of the cannisters is damaged and when Jack stops to fix it, he's exposed to the chemicals and the bad guys show up in a helicopter and reacquire the bio-weapon (darn it!). Meanwhile, I kick back and watch the episode of "Lost" I taped last night, which is getting more and more confusing the further they go with it (but that's a whole other topic which we won't even get into here and now).

Hour 16: (11 p.m-12 a.m. for Jack, 8-9 p.m. for me)
Jack finds out he's tested positive for the chemical (which means he's going to suffer a terrible, painful death at some undetermined time) so he's taken back to the FBI building for "debriefing" by the cute FBI agent who is heartbroken when she finds out about Jack - which shows that there's still something going on there - especially when she finds out Jack saved the security guard and that he has awful scars from the time he was taken by the Chinese government and tortured (not sure which season that was). At the same time, Tony gets released by one of the bad guys and calls the FBI who swoop in to re-reacquire the bio-weapon, only the bad guy was playing them all and leading them on a wild goose chase to buy time for the bad guys to arm the bio-weapon, which works perfectly, and Jack is stuck at FBI headquarters with the cute FBI agent and a death sentence hanging over his head. Meanwhile, I brush my teeth and settle down in bed to read for a little while before turning off the light and going to bed.

The remaining hours
Jack's future is up in the air, though it's clearly not looking too rosy right about now, what with his impending death and all. But we'll have to tune in for the next few weeks to see what happens. Meanwhile, I slept through the night - and didn't die, which I consider to be a good thing even thought it's not nearly as dramatic. So looking this over, I guess Jack's life may be exciting and TV-worthy, but I still would rather be me - go figure. With that, I'll wrap things up once again, so until next time, may your plots be thick and juicy and filled with twists and turns, may your FBI agents be cute and sympathetic, and may your chemical weapons remain safely stored so they don't leak and leave a trail of death and destruction in their wake.