Quarter Pounders, Falling Trees, and the Flu Season

Another McDonald's commercial
You might be asking, "What's up with all the McDonald's commercial references?" Or you might not. But I am wondering a little bit about my apparent obsession, and I have no idea where it comes from - although I'm sure, like most issues and obsessions, it's deeply rooted in my childhood. Either that, or it has to do with my being a breech birth baby (sorry 'bout that, Mom). Anyway, I just saw a McDonald's commercial where there's a dorky guy who's doing some strange contortions that I assume are supposed to pass for stretching as he's apparently preparing to go for a run. And then there's a person who's eating a quarter pounder with cheese, and the dorky guy who's stretching is eyeballing the QPWC while the voiceover says something like, "If the quarter pounder with cheese were to run a marathon, it wouldn't even train. It would just show up on the day of the race wearing tiny shorts and give it a go. And it wouldn't even stretch. Just to mess with you." Okay, there are so many things wrong with this that it boggles the mind. How do I point out the errors? Let me count the ways.
1) Dorky guys don't run marathons - everybody knows that only really cool, awesomely athletic, handsome and well-balanced people run marathons. Right?
2) You're not supposed to stretch before you run - yes, we were all taught to stretch before exercising way back in the Stone Age, but that was way back in the Stone Age and we all know better than that now.
3) Lots of people run without wearing "tiny shorts." Personally, I hate "tiny shorts" and would never wear "tiny shorts" and am much more comfortable in my "baggy shorts." Not to mention all the women (and quite a few men) who now wear running skirts - which is, oddly enough, something that has stirred up quite a bit of controversy - enough so that a major running magazine dedicated an issue to the pros and cons surrounding the issue. Personally, I kind of like the skirts (not for me - or for other guys - but for the women). But what do I know?
4) Why would someone not stretching mess with you? As mentioned before, you shouldn't be stretching before the race, but that doesn't mean people don't stretch before races, because they often do, and personally, whenever I see someone stretching before a race, I'm thinking something like, "Dude, that's a pretty stupid thing to be doing, don't you know you're not supposed to be stretching before a race?" As you can see from this internal monologue, I'm definitely not intimidated. On the other hand, I have to admit that I am a little bit intimidated by people who jog to warm up before the race, mainly because I'm always thinking, "Man, I've got to run ____ miles - the last thing I want to do is add anything to it." So what they should say in the commercial is that the QPWC is going to jog around to warm up before the race just to intimidate you. Or maybe not.
5) Anyone who "just shows up" for a marathon without training at all is, in my opinion, pretty crazy. I'm sure there are people out there that have done this and finished it successfully, but I'll bet they're few and far between, and many more of those misguided souls were either unable to finish or barely crossed the finish line and suffered for days/weeks afterward. It's just not the kind of thing you can show up for and be successful. And why would you want to? Half the fun is the training. Stupid QPWC.
6) This is the big one. How on earth could a QPWC run? It doesn't have any legs. Or feet. Or toes. Or arms, for that matter, so it couldn't compete as a wheelchair athlete either. I mean, it's a QPWC, McDonald's advertising department people. Don't you know anything?

I can't believe I just went on like that about a McDonald's commercial. There is something seriously wrong with my brain.

If a tree falls in a forest…
Or in this case: if a person is writing an entry on what most people refer to as a blog, but what this person refuses to admit is a blog, what does one call what one is doing? This came up because Katie just came in and asked if I was "blogging," and I really didn't know how to reply, because if I said, "Yes," that would be admitting that this is a blog, which I refuse to do, and if I said, "No," then she would say, "What are you doing, then," and I'd have to say something like, "I'm not blogging," and we'd be right back where we started. As you can see, this is quite a conundrum (that's wrapped up in an enigma and enmeshed in a mystery) and I'm going to have to continue to puzzle over what to do about it - which is a lot of energy going into something that's completely pointless. Oh well. At least I'm not obsessing over McDonald's commercials.

Good news, bad news
Bad news first. As many of you may be aware, the economy is, shall we say, not so great. Companies are going bankrupt, people are losing their jobs, foreclosures are on the rise, retirement funds are vanishing, and it's all just kind of depressing and discouraging. There is, however, some good news that comes out of this (as reported in our newspaper over the past week). For one thing, shark attacks are down - and are predicted to continue to go down. Apparently, this is believed to be due to fewer tourists visiting oceanside beaches, which means fewer people in the water, which means fewer chances for sharks to grab a quick snack. And the second piece of good news is that they're predicting a better flu season - this time because people aren't venturing out as much (to restaurants, malls, etc.) and so they don't come into contact with as many people (who harbor germs) and so they aren't as likely to catch the flu. It seems like I should have something clever and meaningful to say about all of this, but I don't. Darn.

With that, I'll wrap up this edition of whatever this is and hope that your commercials make at least a little bit of sense, your conundrums remain soluble, and your good news outweighs any bad news by a hefty and substantial margin.