Flomax, Gatorade Baths, and an Update

Commercials are real
As I was riding my bike home the other day, I was passed by the guys from the Flomax commercial (you know the ones, those four senior-citizenish-but-still-active dudes who attend basketball games, and go fishing on a boat and drive through the countryside in a red convertible). I swear it was actually those guys, and they were actually in their actual red convertible driving along with the top down - just like in the commercial(!). Anyway, I thought this was pretty strange, because I'd always assumed that the people we see on commercials are fictional creations used for advertising purposes. In fact, I remember when I was a kid and my younger sister used to watch the McDonalds commercials and say things like, "I wish I could be on a commercial like that, look how much fun they're having," and I would say, "What are you talking about? They're actors. They're acting. They're not actually having fun." And she would say, "Well, I think they are having fun." And I would say, "That's stupid," which pretty much serves as a microcosm of our entire relationship. Anyway, I never expected to see commercial characters in real life, so when I spotted the Flomax guys, I was pretty surprised. I mean, imagine if you were walking or driving along, and happened to look up and see Harry Potter go flying by on a broomstick? Or Eragon soaring through the sky on a dragon? Or Jack Bauer jump out of a helicopter? Wouldn't that freak you out? Of course it would. So it got me to thinking, what if all the people we see in commercials are actually real. Take a moment to consider the implications. For example, what about the really cute brunette girl who goes to McDonald's with her nerdy boyfriend who is blathering on about paintball while she's eyeing a Quarter Pounder with Cheese that some other nerdy guy is eating across the restaurant? What if she's a real person who really has a nerdy boyfriend and dreams about Quarter Pounders? Or (to stay on the fast-food theme) what about that other really cute blonde girl who gets all dressed up because her nerdy boyfriend told her they're going out for steak, but when she gets to his apartment, he's dressed like a nerdy slob because he meant they're going to Carl's Jr.? Do you see a pattern here? Apparently, there's a whole slew of really beautiful girls out there who are dating nerdy, clueless guys who do stupid things, but the nerdy, clueless guys are so endearingly normal and average that these really beautiful girls continue to go out with them. I'd always figured that this was some kind of advertising gimmick designed to appeal to a "target audience" carefully selected through demographic surveys - but now I'm thinking it's real life. Wow.

Sublime to Ridiculous
The journal prompt for my classes this week is to write about something sublime, but to make it seem ridiculous. Which got me thinking that just about everything can be seen as ridiculous if you start to really examine it carefully. For example, I love running, and I think running a marathon is a life-changing, enriching, unbelievable achievement, but really, it's just kind of weird. Thousands of people dressed in skimpy outfits with numbers pinned to their chests gather together in some random spot in the pre-dawn dark and cold, then spend the next hour or more shivering and fidgeting and waiting in line for the port-a-potties. Next they cram together in "corrals" that each hold about a thousand people and stand/shiver/fidget for another half hour or so until finally some person who they can't even see (because there are thousands of people in the corrals ahead of them) shoots off a gun, and the entire herd slowly shuffles forward (towards the guy who shot the gun, not away from him, which is what most sane people would do) for ten minutes or so until finally the crowd eases enough that they can actually run. Then they spend the next 26.2 miles following thousands of other people without really knowing where they're going - like lemmings going over the cliff, they scamper along. Along the way, they obsess over their "splits", try to get into the "zone", repeat their mantras, hydrate according to some master plan, and swallow gels that have the consistency of mucous according to some other master plan. At some point, it becomes tiresome and painful, and most people experience cramps and aches that they fight through as well as they can, struggling with exhaustion and mental fatigue until finally, several hours later, they come to the finish line (set in another random spot) where they abruptly stop and receive a medal for their efforts (which is the same for everyone regardless of how long they took) and spend the next thirty minutes (or more) feeling as if an alien has taken over their body. No wonder I love it so. I think you could do this for just about any sport. How about football? A bunch of guys running into each other, then every once in awhile one of them breaks free and gets chased until he crosses a line, at which point everyone stops chasing him, and he performs a crazy dance and is slapped on his head (and other parts). Then at the end, when time finally runs out, several people pick up a big bucket full of ice and gatorade and dump it on one of the leaders, and instead of getting mad, like any normal person would do, he seems to enjoy the experience. Or how about writing an entry like this one on an internet website? Pouring out your heart and soul, agonizing over every word/phrase/sentence to make sure they convey exactly what you're going for, rereading and adjusting, fine-tuning and tweaking until you finally take a deep breath and hit the "publish post" button, and then… that's it. Does anybody read it? Does anybody care? Does it have any kind of impact at all, or is all just a pointless exercise in futility? Definitely questions to ponder.

Speaking of running…
Even though running is pretty ridiculous (see above), I'm still thrilled to be able to run once again (after spending several weeks in the land of injury). I'm not going very far or very fast, but it feels really good to get out on the road again and off the elliptical. Along with that, our new TNT season has started up, and we've got people training for events in Nashville, San Diego, and Seattle. Right now, I'm planning on coaching in San Diego and Seattle, and if everything goes well, I'll run in the Estes Park Marathon (the highest-elevation paved course) between those two. And I've got a half-marathon scheduled for the end of March. Hopefully, all goes well.

That's all for this edition, so until next time, may your fictional characters remain firmly imbedded in imaginary worlds, may your pursuits remain sublime, and may your aches and pains remain manageable.