Avian Attacks

When Birds Attack: Part 1
A friend of mine was attacked by a hawk the other day. Apparently, she was jogging along the road after setting out a sign for her yard sale, and the hawk saw her ponytail bobbing and swinging and must have decided she was a squirrel or some other tasty tidbit (she is a rather small person) and swooped down and tried to snatch her up. Luckily, she isn’t tiny enough for a hawk to be able to snatch up and carry away, but when she told me this story, I thought the whole thing was pretty mildly amusing, so I, being the kind and understanding person that I am, made fun of her mercilessly for being attacked by a hawk. Because you have to admit, it’s kind of a weird thing to have happen.

When Birds Attack: Part 2
Apparently, there’s this thing called “Karma” which, according to a website I just glanced at, is a fundamental doctrine in Buddhism and is the law of moral causation. There’s a whole lot of explanation on this website, but it all boils down to, “What goes around comes around.” Anyhow, “Karma” seems to be alive and well. How do I know this, you might be asking. Well, here’s the answer.

So yesterday afternoon, I went out in the backyard to turn on the spa and get it warmed up. To do so, I have to walk under the big pine tree we have out back. Several weeks ago, we were thrilled to notice that a pair of hawks had built a nest in that tree, which was quite exciting because we were going to be able to watch as the hawks tended their eggs, and we might even get a chance to spot the little raptor babies after they hatched, which I imagine would be all cute and fluffy and fierce looking and adorable, and which would be a pretty cool thing to see. So as I walked out in the backyard, I looked up at the nest, as I’m in the habit of doing, and I saw that both the hawk parents were in the nest, and I thought things such as, “Oh, how cute – the hawk parents are in their nest. I wonder if/when the eggs will hatch?” What I didn’t think is what I should have been thinking, which was, “I need to keep my senses keenly attuned to my surroundings just in case something unexpected happens, because you should always expect the unexpected, plus you were just laughing at someone yesterday for being attacked by a hawk, and everyone knows there’s this thing called “Karma” that is the law of moral causation, and it would serve you right if one (or both) of those hawks sitting up in their nest decided to attack you.” But I didn’t think any of those things, and instead focused on the task at hand, which was to turn on the spa so it could warm up, which I did, and right after turning on the spa, I was… okay, if you didn’t see this one coming you really should pay closer attention… attacked by a hawk. And it was exactly like my friend described it. First I heard a strange whooshing sound. Then I sensed the air pressure shifting around my skull. And before I could react – WHAMMO! – I had been attacked by a hawk. Which, I have to say, is both surprising and painful, because hawks are pretty big birds (though not big and yellow and goofy and friendly like “Big Bird” from Sesame Street) and they have really sharp talons, and they use those talons when they attack. So the hawk knocked me in the noggin and flew off, and I was like, “What the heck was that?” and then I was like, “I think I just got attacked by the hawk,” and then I was like, “Ouch, my head hurts,” and then I started feeling my scalp to see if it was bleeding (which it was, but only a little bit because the hawk didn’t tear and gouge, it just struck and retreated) and then I looked around and saw the hawk flying off. It landed in a nearby tree and sat staring at me with its evil hawk-eyes (which are pretty creepy, I have to say, when they’re staring at you right after the hawk has attacked you) and I was like, “Dude, why did you just attack me?” but it didn’t answer – it just continued to stare at me. Then it swooped down at me again, and I was like, “Whoa Nelly,” and I ducked and waved my arms and it flew off and landed on the roof of my house and did that staring thing again. So I started walking, very slowly, away from it, but it swooped again, and I ducked and waved again, and finally, after a couple more swoops/ducks/waves, I finally made it into the house, where I breathed a deep sigh of relief. And when I went out to take my spa, I made sure to scan the skies and I wore a towel on my head. Just in case.

When Birds Attack: Part 3
Okay, this isn’t actually about a bird attack, but it is about birds, and I hate to break the pattern, so whatever. The other day, approximately eight hours before I was attacked by a hawk, I was riding my bike on River Road just west of La Cañada, when I spotted a couple of strange looking creatures standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a bit to get a closer look and realized that they were… turkeys. One white turkey and one brown turkey bobbing their heads and walking along like turkeys do. Since I spotted these turkeys several hours before I was attacked by a hawk, I wasn’t at all scared/worried as I pedaled by them, which turned out to be okay, because neither of the turkeys attacked me.

That’s all the bird stories I’ve got, so until next time, may your nesting hawks remain in the nests, may your soaring and circling hawks continue to soar and circle, and may your turkeys continue to hang out peacefully by the side of the road, ignoring each and every passerby.