Burgers and Birthdays

Half a Burger is Better than None
To celebrate our oldest daughter’s 21st birthday, we took her out to Zinburger for a burger and a glass of wine to celebrate the extreme momentousness of this extremely momentous occasion. The whole thing reminded me of my own “coming of age” which happened in the great state of Wyoming, which is where I was living when I “came of age,” which is worth mentioning because a person “came of age” in the great state of Wyoming earlier than they “come of age” in Arizona today, that is to say, back then we “came of age” at the tender age of 19 rather than 21 (not sure if it’s still the case today) because, if you haven’t guessed, this whole “coming of age” business has to do with the age when it becomes legal for a person to enter a bar and purchase an adult beverage. The main thing I remember about my 19th birthday is that there was a huge snowstorm that afternoon/evening that dumped a whole boatload of snow on the city/town of Laramie, and all the dorm denizens streamed out of their dorms and engaged in a free-for-all snowball fight that escalated into a mob scene where a group of students eventually turned over a Domino’s pizza delivery car (with the poor pizza-guy trapped inside - I was not part of this group, but I did witness this spectacle from a safe distance). Needless to say, there wasn’t any snowball-flinging or car-tipping going on at Zinburger (for which I’m quite grateful).

There’s a well-documented (but not particularly well-known) scientific study that suggests that what a person orders at a restaurant, such as, say, Zinburger, reveals a great deal about that person’s personality, values, etc. With that in mind, I paid close attention as each person in our party ordered their meal. Carrie started out by ordering a burger with extra mushrooms – suggesting that what’s good enough for the common folk just isn’t good enough for her and that she demands more from everything in life, especially when it has to do with fungi. Next, Caitlyn ordered. In addition to a glass of wine (she asked for a recommendation of what was the sweetest wine they served – which obviously suggests she needs some sweetening up) she ordered half a burger that she would split with my wife. This takes care of each of them, and suggests that they’re satisfied with less than something that will fill them completely, that they’re able to share (this was shocking in Caitlyn’s case, because as a child, she was not exactly a sharer, but perhaps her new-found adulthood has brought about some adult-like attitudes and behavior – like sharing, for example). And finally, Connor ordered a “Plain and Simple Burger,” which is a burger without a whole lot on it, only even without a whole lot on it, it still had too much on it for Connor, so he had a special request to make the “Plain and Simple” part even more plain and simple by requesting that the “Plain and Simple Burger” should come with nothing but a patty and bun and nothing else. While this might, at first blush, seem to suggest that Connor is undemanding and easy to please, in fact, it suggests the exact opposite, which is that he is extremely high-maintenance (and if you know Connor at all…).

So once we ordered, we chatted for awhile, and then the food began to arrive. First came Carrie’s burger with extra mushrooms, Connor’s plain and simple “Plain and Simple” burger, and Caitlyn’s half a burger. Which seemed a bit odd to me, because wouldn’t they bring out both halves of the burger at the same time? Then they brought out my burger… and that was it. No second half of the burger for Katie, which, at this point, really raised my eyebrows. I couldn’t imagine, for the life of me, what could have happened to the missing half of the burger. I mean, it’s not like they prepare half a burger at a time, is it? So why wouldn’t both halves be out at the same time? After speculating over this for several breathless minutes, the mystery was resolved when a very official-looking type of person (I’m assuming it was the manager – or at the very least, the assistant manager) showed up at our table and very apologetically explained that both halves of the burger had indeed been ready to go, but unfortunately, one of the halves was accidentally tipped off the plate onto the floor, so they were preparing a new half (which makes me wonder what they did with the other half of that new burger? Didn’t this mean that for the rest of the night, they would always be off by a half a burger? I mean, I kind of doubt a single person is going to come in and order half a burger – in fact, I doubt if that is even allowed. So how do they account for this? Or does someone in the kitchen get to eat the extra half? I was going to ask the assistant-manager-type person about this, but before I could, she get distracted by the wobbly table I was sitting at and set about fixing it, and in the hulabaloo that ensued, I forgot about the half a burger completely. Which leaves me now, pondering this whole thing late at night when I should be sleeping.

That’s it for this entry, so until next time, may your burgers remain firmly anchored on their plates, may your meals be made to order, and may your life remain just as plain and simple as you want it to be.

*Did you notice that nowhere in this entire entry did I mention running, cycling, or swimming? Wonder what that’s all about?